2023 PRESEASON RANKINGS

The 2023 KAOS Draft is in the books! Now comes the fun part. Our Draft review where I tell you how badly you all suck while simultaneously reflecting on what a wonderful job I did drafting my team. That’s going to be a little tougher for me to do this year as Jim Irsay decided to out-asshole his father Robert. 24 hours after our Keeper selections locked, he decided to stick Jonathan Taylor on the PUP list, guaranteeing he would miss at least the first 4 games of the season.

I would like to remind you of a few things before we get to the rankings:

The rankings are based on the analysis from three different fantasy sites: Fantasy Pros, Rotowire and ESPN. I just take the average of those rankings to determine each teams position.

These ratings are almost never right. The team you draft is never going to be the team you finish with. Injuries, trades, breakout performances and player regression happen to all of us. Keep combing the waiver wires and look to make trades to strengthen the team you drafted throughout the season.

To give you an idea of how wrong these rankings are, this is how each team’s 2022 final record compared to their preseason projection:

Pre-season Poll guessed correctly: Skoal Bandits. I guess analytics know a bad team when they see one.
Pre-season poll was off by 1-3 spots – Wrath of Kahn (+1), ’69 Olds (-2), Springfield Flanders (-2)
Preseason Poll was off 4-6 Spots. Big Rock (+4), Dark Helmet (+6), Peeping Tomlins (+6), Black Ghostbuster (-4), MFT (-5), Mel Kiper (-5)

There were a lot of gambles taken in Keeper Selections as well as the early part of the draft. How players like Deshaun Watson, Aaron Rodgers, Calvin Ridley, Jonathan Taylor and Breece Hall perform after lengthy absences, return from injury or new teams will play a huge part in your team’s success.

Now on to the rankings.

Big Rock 2X

Last year's Champion is this years top pick. That's what happens when three out of the four Keepers you have (Justin Jefferson, Austin Ekeler, Amon St. Brown) project to be 1st or 2nd round picks. The only question here is the health of Joe Burrows.

Strengths: WR/RB.

Weaknesses: TE

What-if: Instead of taking Kirk Cousins at the top of Round 6, he selected TJ Hockenson and snagged Kenny Pickett at QB later. Russell Wilson would have been worth the risk as well.

Conclusion: As long as Joe Burrows can stay on the field, this team will skate into the playoffs.

#2 '69 Olds

Another team that brings back a strong core of keepers. Jalen Hurts, Patrick Mahomes and Cooper Kupp (if healthy) will keep Ray competitive on a weekly basis. Big things will be needed from Green Bay with the Aaron Jones/Christian Watson duo picked back-to-back in Rounds 5-6.

Strengths: QBs

Weakness: RBs/WRs

What-if: Ray had only kept 3 players and threw Mattison back. He would have been able to grab Calvin Ridley, Dameon Pierce and Aaron Jones.

#3 Mel Kipers Best Available

I've seen this movie before. Pete brings back 4 solid keepers, drafts a good team, then proceeds to drop to the bottom of the standings due to season-ending injuries. Once again, this roster is full of talented playmakers. Deshaun Watson with the first pick has huge boom/bust potential.

Strengths: TE/WR/K

Weaknesses: QB recent history. If Lamar Jackson and Deshaun Watson can be the 2019 versions of themselves, Pete will be tough to beat.

What if: Dak Prescott with the first choice at QB would have been the safer bet. A running back in round 7 should have been a consideration.

#4 - Springfield Flanders

Last season's Riches-to-Rags story comes back this year with a strong draft. The RB duo of Etienne and Pierce along with Keeper Najee Harris gives Glenn solid production out of the skill positions.

Strengths: WRs/Flex. Brown/Chase/Diggs will be as dangerous as ever.

Weaknesses: QB. Goff and Purdy should be reliable enough to give Glen a solid floor of scoring out of the QB spots.

What-if: Throw back Najee Harris and draft Etienne and Dak Prescott at 4/5. This team would have set up nicely with that configuration.

#5 Milford Football Team

CJ is hoping to put last season's turd show in his rear-view mirror with a revised roster featuring a new burner at WR (Calvin Ridley) and Geno Smith at QB2.

Strengths: QB1 WR and TE

Weaknesses: RB depth. There is a big drop-off after starter CMC. A reliable RB2 will need to emerge from Herbert, Montgomery or Williams. My money is on Montgomery.

What-if: Another huge Boom/Bust gamble here with Ridley. DK Metcalf would have been the safer pick.

# 6 - Wrath of Khan

Jim's big move came before the draft, trading a 5th round pick for all-world TE Travis Kelce. Losing that pick cost him in the RB spot, but Kelce will outscore the opposing TE by an average of 10 points each week.

Strengths: QB/TE/WR

Weaknesses: RB’s/Bench.

Once again, Wrath goes into the season with a lot of big names. Kelce, Tyreek Hill, Justin Herbert and Justin Fields will help put points on the board every week. But after that there is a lot of injury-plagued players to contend with. Breece Hall (knee surgery) and Terry McLaurin (Turf toe) were huge gambles at their draft positions.

What-if: Pierce in Round 6 and Cam Akers in round 7 would have given him a little more RB certainty.

#7 Black Ghostbusters

The Draft was a bust the second Jonathan Taylor went on the PUP list. The Prescott/Stevenson picks in round 5 should help ease the pain.

Strengths: RB/Roster Depth

Weaknesses: TE

What-if: Dropping Jonathan Taylor and drafting Tee Higgins in Rd 4 would change the whole complexion of this roster.

#8 Peeping Tomlins

Jared was ranked at the bottom of last year's preseason poll as well, but maneuvered the waiver wire deftly enough to grab a playoff spot. I liked this draft! I am not sure how the selections made resulted in such a low grade. Success this year hinges on the Anthony Richardson/Russell Wilson performance.

Strength: RB/TE

Weakness: WR

What-if: Only keep 2 RBs and hold on to Chris Olave. This roster would look so much better with him in KW IIIs spot.

#9 - Dark Helmet

Another guy who was at the bottom of last years rankings but went all the way to the championship game! Again, another roster that I do not think is as bad as the draft grades.

Strengths: RB

Weaknesses: QB's. A lot of uncertainty with Tua's health and Aaron Rodgers age. Did Dan forget how Rodgers killed his shot at a championship last year? Answer: No, he can't forget. Because I remind him in every LM note I write.

What-if: He threw back Aaron Rodger and drafted Daniel Jones instead. The beauty of that is he would have righted the wrong that led to his Cup loss last yer.

#10 Skoal Bandits

Another low project for the Bandits, but the one thing this roster offers that last season's was lacking is... hope. Craig went all-in and re-built with youth. I can see Bijan Robinson and Jahmyr Gibbs being keepers for the next 5 seasons. Daniel Jones offers a nice high floor at QB and Olave is a stud receiver with a better QB this season.

Strengths: RBs (and the team logo is till really cool)

Weaknesses: QB and Roster Depth.

What-if: The draft broke well for Craig. Maybe grabbing Waller in Round 6 and taking a WR later would have helped, but that would not have changed much.